Dear Mom and Dad,

            Please send money, I’m so broke and it ain’t funny!!  I need some money real bad Mom and Dad.  Come on now, this is your kid we’re talking about.  What have you all been doing down there?!  Do you miss me yet?  I can’t believe I have been up here for two years now!  It really is not all that great if you ask me.  

I have one friend here.  He is most definitely an alien.  Yes, this is a little weird I know, but I think I may be falling in love with him.  His name is Jupiter.  He comes from the now, non-existing Pluto!  I met him about a year ago.  I brought some water up here you know.  Well I put some of the water into one of the craters and decided to go swimming.  He came up to me speaking a language I didn’t understand at the time.  However he has taught me the language of  love and we can now communicate!  We are engaged now.  I wear a moon rock ring.  It kind of weighs me down a bit.  But it glows so beautifully!  I love him so very much.

            Did I mention I nearly died?!  There was like zero food up here until Jupiter came with his Plutonian food and now we have a farm of food.  It is quite a pain in my behind.  We have to go out every day and pick up each plant and spray them with water containing many important nutrients.  I hate doing this every day, but I must survive.  And in order to survive I must do this.  There are crazy mini pirate psychos that hunt me down every third day wanting to eat.  We don’t have much water left.  Do you think you could please send some water with the money? 

            One time, a guy from Nantucket showed up here.  He told me how to recycle!! How exciting!  We recycle our clothes by wearing them everyday.  We recycle our paper by sending it through the water we don’t have much of, allow the ink to wash away, and then let the paper sit and dry.  You would think the paper would dissolve. WRONG!  We have special chemicals (the ones we use to grow our plants) that are magical and can be used for whatever chores we wish.  Meaning, we can ensure our paper does not dissolve from sitting in the water.  We also recycle our food seeing as, yes we grow it, but it is a long process.  Every other day we eat food that we have regurgitated from the previous day.  This may seem gross; however, if you add a few spices it’s not that bad.  You should try it.  Although, you all are enjoying luxury food back on Earth.

            Well mom and dad, I miss you so much.  I felt like I have lost contact with you all.  Please send me a letter back.  I need some communication outside of my Plutonian fiancé, Jupiter, crazy man he is.  Love you bunches.

                                                            Love always,

                                                                       Sophie